Patent: Method of Retaining Hair

Patent Number/Date: 3464424 October 23 1965

This patent claims the use of porous tape on the hair and skin in order to retain a desired shape of hair while it’s still wet. The idea behind this is that wet hair often has curls and bounce that are lost over the drying process; however, if you tape the curls down to your skin and let the hair dry that way, the hair will stay bouncy once dry. It’s uncertain how effective this is and on top of this, pulling the tape off would be very painful.

Patent: Hair Spray Shield

Patent Number/Date: 3317921 June 11 1964

This is a cone shaped shield that fits over your face and can be used in a beauty salon or at home. It’s meant to protect your face from noxious hair spray that would otherwise be breathed in and could make the user ill. The shield looks a bit silly, but it is effective.

Patent: Method of Concealing Partial Baldness

Patent Number/Date: 4022227 December 23 1975

This patent is for showing balm men how to do a comb over. In essence, it teaches baldness sufferers to part what remains of their hair into three and then comb it over the bald spot to conceal it. At least it’s simple!

Patent: Method of Swinging on a Swing

Patent Number/Date: 6368227 November 17, 2002

Boy, all those children from a few years ago who are now adults must feel silly for not patenting this sooner. This patent shows that in order to swing on a swing, you have to be on a board suspended from a tree branch on chains and swings side to side by alternately pumping their arms. There are drawings and everything, in case you’re confused.

Patent: Automatic laser pet toy and exerciser

Patent Number/Date: 6651591 December 9 2002

This is the patent for using a laser pointer to play with your cat. You can either hold the laser yourself and wave it around, or put it on a movable arm apparatus and move it from there. Not only will you exercise your cat, but you’ll get a good laugh too.

Patent: Combined Leash and Jogging Belt for Pets and Caregivers

Patent Number/Filing Date: 7,516,717 April 14, 2009

This is a pretty simple apparatus for bringing your pet along with you on your jogs. What it is, is a belt that goes around the waist of the caregiver, then a leash that hooks to the belt and then hooks to the harness of the dog or whatever animal you are jogging with. The whole thing is much safer than simply looping the leash around your waist because it can be more easily detached in case of an accident.

Patent: Bird Diaper

Patent Number/Filing Date: 5,934,226 August 10, 1999

Bird poop is disgusting, no denying that. It smells bad, it looks awful, and somehow, it manages to get on things it’s not supposed to. However, most bird owners accept that as a fact of bird ownership. But with this patent, you can put your bird poop fears to rest. The bird diaper is made from spandex and Velcro and fastens up the bird’s behind and belly and over the back. It can even restrain your bird’s flight via a leash. This diaper is only intended for non-caged birds of course.

Patent: Aquarium Bath

Patent Number/Filing Date: 4,364,132 December 21 1982

Do you love your fish? Do you love your fish enough to bathe alongside them, despite the fact that your modesty will be severely compromised? Then the aquarium bath is right for you! This bathtub has a transparent enclosure around it and sealed at the top, with ventilation for air and of course means to get into the aquarium, which your fish can happily live in and visit you from while you take a bath. Not only do you get to hang out with your fish, but it also makes for a very relaxing environment.

Patent: Safety Pin

Patent Number/Date: 6281 April 10 1849

The original safety pin doesn’t look very different from today’s safety pin. The original patent from Walter Hunt was for a one piece metal wire that coiled on one end into a spring with a clasp on the other end that the point of the pin would fold into. He thought it would be best used in dress making, but of course we use safety pins in all sorts of things today.

Patent: Traction Wheels

Patent Number/Date: 1 July 13 1836

The traction wheels were not the first patent, but they were the first issued without the X that denoted the patents that had been restored after a fire hit the patent office. Traction wheels were designed to help trains stop on tracks. It was simply the cog in the wheels, but it’s very important so the train remains stable and stops. These cogs also helped the train go uphill and turn since they could move in and out of the way of each other, thus preventing them from snapping.

Patent: Method of making Pot Ash

Patent Number/Date: X000001 July 31 1790

The patent for the method of making pot ash was the first patent to be redone after a fire wiped out tens of thousands of patents and so it, among the over two thousand to be restored, is numbered with an X and is the first one. Pot ash (now known as potash) is wood ash used mainly as fertilizer and is a major export for many countries. The patent refers to the new way of making potash by applying chemicals to the burning wood to make fertilizer. This patent is the first one in the US data banks of patents.

Patent: Data Compression Apparatus and Method

Patent Number/Date: US5016009 May 14 1991

Data compression is extremely important now and people often doing it without thinking about it; zipped files for example are compressed files and they owe their existence to patents like this. This method of data compression uses history buffering to store sections of data into compressed strings, using the history tabs to shorten the length of the data. In essence, it allows the computer to shortcut its files for the sake of making more room in the hard drive. Now of course there are dozens of ways to compress files, but they all have their roots in this patent.

Patent: Cryptographic Communications System and Method

Patent Number/Date: US 4405829 September 20 1983

This system of handling data securely is still in use today. The method utilizes a communication channel with one terminal that encrypts the information and another terminal which decodes it. The information starts at one terminal and is then encrypted before being moved to the receiving terminal which can decrypt it and present the information to the viewer. Although a simple sounding method, this encryption method is still used over twenty years later.

Patent: Electric Couponing Method and Apparatus

Patent Number/Date: 5,710,886 January 20, 1998

Selectsoft patented a way to store electric coupons that you find online or elsewhere and then save them to print at your leisure later. It also creates a database of what people were buying and how many were buying it for the manufacturers so that everyone got what they were looking for with very little fuss. It was all on one program and even had extras such as built in grocery lists. This was the first bridge between the computer and the consumer which makes it landmark for many people.

Patent: Device for the Treatment of Hiccoughs 

Patent Number/Filing Date: 7062320 July 13 2006

This is a simple patent, though it’s uncertain how many people would actually want to try it. It is based on the idea that the best way to deal with hiccoughs is to agitate the vagus nerve in the human mouth with something more than water, which is the traditional method for getting rid of hiccoughs. This device uses a mild electrical shock to disrupt the hiccoughs and thus get rid of them.

Patent: Electric Tablecloth to Keep Bugs Away 

Patent Number/Filing Date: 5107620 April 28 1992

This is a tablecloth designed to have an electrical current run through it which discourages crawling insects from getting at the food on it. It’s also simple but attractive and durable. Finally, the electric current is mild enough to not have any effect on any human who touches it and even if wet hands touch it, the person will only get a mild tingle. It won’t kill the bugs though; just make it turn around and look elsewhere for food, leaving your picnic bug free.

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Patent: A Spider Ladder 

Number/Filing Date: GB2272154A May 11 1994

This apparatus is meant to assist spiders caught in the bathtub to escape. It is a latex or metal ladder that can be fixed to the bathtub with a suction cup so that the spider can crawl up the ladder and escape or at least be trapped and tossed outside (or whatever you choose to do with them.) This is in response to the fact that spiders have an impossible time climbing out a bathtub on their own due to the slickness of the tub surface.

Patent: Biohazard Suit with Human Waste Management System Patent

Number/Filing Date: 6920646 July 26 2005

Biohazard suits are a great way to survive the apocalypse, except they are a pain to get off when you have to use the bathroom. Thus, we see the patent for a biohazard suit which includes an apparatus for handling human waste. It has extra pant legs which have containers for the waste and all you have to do is squat a little and go. Then, when it’s safer, or the containers get full, you can empty them away and start anew.

Patent: Portable Face Protector for Protecting Human Being from Poisonous Gas and Securing Visibility

Patent Number/Filing Date: 7107990 August 30 2004

Face masks to protect people from gas have been around for decades, but their design is bulky and crude. This gas mask was meant to not only protect the face from gases but also look sleeker than the old designs. The mask is a two piece design-it has a glass viewing window for the eyes and a cloth that covers the mouth and nose…. And that’s it. It’s unknown how useful this actually is.